An Animal Story: Discourse on Devolution
"Good midnight," began Mishmish, the black cat, surveying the assembled crowd of animals before her. She rubbed her mouth with a clawy paw before continuing.
"Tonight I am going to set the record straight. Mankind proposed an evolution of the species that puts him at the top of the scale. Now you will learn why this is wrong."
The whole crowd murmured with surprise, shifting their paws and many legs about so that the air had a faint scratchy hiss and rumbling. Present were lots of mice, including Nan, Herbert Spangles and Old Man as well as lots of rats, including Smelly, Foully and Stinky. The pigeon, Esmeralda, was also present, and the house spider, Vergil, along with about three dozen of his spider children and grandchildren. The dogs, including Mugs and Dog, and many roaches, with their top brass, including Ethelred, their leader, had also shown up. Also a lot of the cats, Little Arthur, Bo, Zippy and Harry Rat Baby, as well as El Rashid Ishmael bin Julababad, the flea along with a huge contingent of his tribe. Many others were there too, so many in fact, that I cannot name them all. They had all come when they heard that Mishmish, the cat, was going to give a talk very relevant to them all. Her talk, which had been advertised widely through the building, promised:
Stop Feeling Bad!
Even if You're An Insect Find Out
How To Change Your Life!
Come learn why You are The Most
Powerful and the Best On Earth!
Feel Better About Yourself.
Increase Your Self Esteem.
Everyone is invited to a Free Talk by
the brilliant black cat,
Mishmish the Magnificent,
the rightful descendant of the
Maussenessen Black Cats of Hamburg.
First Full Moon night at 12 o'clock.
No eating neighbors allowed.
"Man has never been able to find the important link in the chain between the great apes and them. It is only a proposed idea that a link even exists. Humph! How they blow the idea around. Some of them, because there is this missing link, even think that they come from the stars while the rest of us were made from the oozy mud on earth. Because they love the illusion so much that they're the best, they always fail to turn the scale the right way.
"Devolution! Devolution finally corrects the scale of life on earth. By turning the scale upside down so that the smallest, most simple and complete creatures are at the top, while those that need the most to survive are at the bottom. These are the weakest.
"Tonight I am going to talk about the devolution of the species and how it affects us all. Now, you might ask, how does this affect my daily life. Well, for one thing it finally sets the record straight. And for another it reverses the home sapiens' arrogance and presents the prize to the littlest.
"Let us consider the aspect of smallness. What of bacteria? Aren't they much more evolved than the bigger species inasmuch as they need little to support them? They can evolve at a rapid pace and they can survive obliterations that would wipe out the meat and vegetable eaters."
At these words all the bacteria started a loud hullabaloo which caused the furry animals a terrible itch so the cats and dogs began scratching their ears with their back paws. The mice and rats sat up and scratched their faces with their front paws, while all the others moved about so that it looked like a rolling sea of animals which set up a terrific noise of scratching, meowing, yelping and other plaintive cries. The animals by now were muttering very loudly to each other in their own languages. The cats hissed in Felinese, the mice chattered in Verminese, the dogs howled in Canin and the insects scraped and fluttered in Centipese, as well as all the other scurry-animal languages.
The bacteria got more worked up, especially those found on the mice's coats, and set up quite a racket as they jumped for joy and did somersaults and screamed out "Awesome man, just awesome". They were finally getting the recognition as to their obvious (to them at least) superiority, and since it came not from man whom they would never even understand, it was a delightful treat. Their somersaults and screams of joy disturbed the mice so that they whimpered twice and rolled their eyes.
The bacteria, in fact, got so excited that they broke out into the Bacterial Species Anthem which they sing to the tune of "God shed his grace on thee":
Bacteria, bacteria God put his love in thee.
Bacteria, bacteria you'll find us everywhere.
In the food you plunge, the water wild and
all the milk for thee, there are billions of us
crawling daily all o-v-er thee.
We dwell on the skin of all we see; in the
gut and intestine we dive and swim with glee.
And when we're bad we make thee very sad.
Bacteria, bacteria God shed his grace on thee.
Well, imagine how shocked all the animals were, from the fleas to the mice and the pigeon, Esmeralda, and all the cats, too. They hadn't even known before that bacteria could even sing! Especially affected were those who had never even considered that their bodies were little habitations to millions of littler animals.
Mishmish gave a loud ahem to get the bacteria to calm down and for all the animals to shut up.
"Please, please, can we have some order here," she hissed. but to no avail. she had to resort to her heat scream, which was so loud all the animals paused in alarm.
"Let us continue," she said with a cheshire cat grin, her tail loudly beating the floor. And she gave a very stern 'thank-you' to the bacteria to quiet them down. She continued her talk on Devolution.
"Also we must consider the myriad viruses which pretty much have outsmarted man for aeons. They have a single purpose — to be more. They can cross a continent weaving their viral web in less than a day. They can also adapt and mutate very rapidly as needed. Now, aren't they to be taken very seriously in the who's who of the evolutionary scale?"
At these words, there rose up a very loud hullabaloo from all the many viruses present. For once, they were being considered with the respect they deserved. This filled all the other creatures with alarm for they feared, and rightly so, the terrible power of the virus. Everyone moved a little to the side and away from their neighbors. And when Esmeralda the pigeon ruffled her feathers from fright, all the mice hid their faces with their front paws.
"Finally," continued Mishmish, very grateful for all the participation, "let us consider that thing called the 'Spore'. Found in defecation and from all manner of plants, it is so perfect that it is free of gravity and can float through space without the aid of rockets. In fact, this tiny bit of the life-force, which can also deliver so much death, too, when it comes in the form of anthrax or bacillus, could have been the first inhabitant of this or any other planet in all the universes."
She stopped and trounced over to her water bowl to get a couple of laps of water, for all the hullabalooing and discoursing had made her thirsty. She ambled back and went on.
"We've only talked about the life forms that can be seen and measured. But what of the myriad universes of creatures so microscopic that they can only be postulated?
"Ok, to continue, what are the precepts by which man has evolved his idea of evolution? Firstly, there is the idea of survival of the fittest. And embedded in this idea must be the notion of adaptability. Doesn't virus win this contest hands down?" The viruses got very excited again and Mishmish swept her paw in front of herself and held it up to signal that they should quiet down.
"Then there is the idea not only of brain size but the idea of application, which we define as the ability to affect nature in some form — to force the surroundings and elements to serve the needs of man. By these I mean the ability of man to make sophisticated tools, buildings and to farm for their food, to slaughter flesh. Isn't this a construct that on definition is quite ridiculous? Man, because he is so weak had to do these things to survive. But the insect, the virus and the spore and all the other infinitesimal creatures survive without needing anything — being complete they adapt readily to most any environment and survive most any calamity that man can neither adapt to for long periods of time nor survive. Also look at the thousands of years it takes mammals and other creatures to evolve and adapt to their environments so that there are many species of a genus in all sorts of geographic locations. Viruses and other microscopic creatures only need hours not millions of years to do the same thing.
"Even though I am a very young cat, I have the advantage to better understanding. In our youth we're much closer to our origins — to original plasmatic matter. So to us things are so much clearer.
"And the fact that some of us were humans and have returned as animals means we have the edge or are up a notch in the journey of awakening when we will finally join with original matter and become ourselves pure being or the God idea.
"You see, it is a blessing to come back from the time of becoming which is all suffering and strife to the place just before fully merging with original matter, that is to say the step right before pure being. So are the animals. They really are not in a state of becoming because they are not striving to be something they are not. Nor are they striving to gain things as they have no need of things. Nor are they trying to control or kill others for causes other than food as those in becoming do.
"Is this all clear to all of you?", asked Mishmish.
The mice set up an excited screech, shouting together, "yes, yes, yes". The roaches beat the floor with their back legs, "scratch, scratch, scratch". And all the cats purred with delight.
"Ok, then I will continue," meowed Mishmish, ambling over to her water bowl and rubbing her mouth to moisten it, first having dipped her elegant black paw into the water.
"Why is evolution such a distorted idea? Man cannot think outside his cage or as they call it 'the box'. Everything in the world is measured only in relation to themselves. Everything written is written to support the idea that man is the highest or the peak of evolution, as I have said.
"Also we must remember that the father of evolution of the species, Charles Darwin was also a homo sapiens. Since the evolution theory was devised and formulated by man, it is biased and has a point of view that is very humanly oriented.
"Also, to make this point more valid, let's look at their beliefs. In their bible they write that God made them in his own image. Imagine the nerve! Imagine the ignorance!
"And piff, man has some very self-important and pompous ideas about himself. The immorality of those that believe they are the moral scions of the race, good people, but who commit grave sins. Such as the activist who thinks it's ok to be an amoral thief, not because he's an anarchist or wishes to damage the establishment's teat on which he suckles, but because he doesn't believe that what he's doing is immoral. No animal would ever stoop so low.
"So perverted has language become in the hands of modern man — anyone can twist the meaning into what suits him. The cult of modern-day individuality also includes language. Look only at the perversions of the nazis and modern warfare's desire for good press using warped words like 'friendly fire'!
"The words of a famous poet are humiliating today:
What a piece of work is a man! the paragon of animals!
"These 'paragons of animals', the college students, the future of their society are making pornographic movies. The youth idolize the worst and think it's wonderful to talk like morons and walk like gorillas. They engage in games of stealing, drug trafficking, and murder. There shoot their fellow students and teachers. The leaders steal from their companies. There is so much twisted, sick stuff in the society, it's a wonder it survives from day to day. This is not to say that there are not lots of good people. There are, and they do fine things. But the worst are full of passionate intensity and the good lack conviction. I tell you not only is devolution a sound idea, but it is a correct idea.
All the mice clapped and squealed with glee for they felt much better at these words. Maybe they were better than the cruel people who hunted them down with traps and evil poisons, and also used them for their barbarous experiments.
"Humans, because they make tools and shelters, and farm and so forth have put themselves on the top. They also have language and writing and they have art and music and science. Because of all this they think they are superior. Ok, man has all kinds of weapons to protect himself and to kill his own kind and other animals. But look at how helpless he is in the face of nature's destructive forces. I ask you, how can the puniest creature who wouldn't survive very long without a roof be the apex of evolution? Compare man to El Rashid, our flea friend, or to General Ethelred, our roach friend, descendants whose kind have survived 250 million years on this planet. Look at how the littlest creature like the flea killed half of Europe in a very short time by using bubonic plague. And again look at how fast viruses run about and how helpless man is in the face of them.
All the roaches beat their rear legs on the floor making a rasping, happy din. For here was another creature that really understood them.
"They were on earth when dinosaurs reigned," continued Mishmish with a little cough to quiet the din. "They survived the great meteor calamity that put earth into the ice age when all the dinosaurs died and new forms of life evolved slowly. They were there in their present form. Surely they should also be very high up on the scale of evolution, close to the apex."
At these words, once again the fleas did somersaults and all the roaches clapped their front legs and beat their carapaces with their rear legs, while balancing on their center feet.
"In reality," said Mishmish, "man should be last. He cannot survive without his tools he is so weak.
"Sure he has words, but we animals don't need words to communicate. And sure he has shelter which he struggles and strains to build or buy. But look at how smart we dogs, cats and mice are. We get to live there for free and we don't lift a paw to help acquire or construct them."
"Why is man the only creature who is always becoming and never even gets 'there'. He is prior to becoming, actually, because he is enslaved by this notion. Because he is always becoming he is basically dissatisfied and unhappy. Unlike the dog who even though he might be maltreated, still wakes the next day in a state of being for he lives in the moment and off he goes to find a new adventure because he is basically happy and satisfied with his lot. Even one of man's own, the famous Plato, recognized the dog as the only true philosopher.
"It is wrong for humans to anthropomorphize animals and treat them as though they have the same confounded emotions wretched humans have. (It is only the artifice of my human who is our medium that we seem to have human thought and emotions, but actually he is unable to write all this down in any other way than from a human point of view.) Poor man, how miserable his life outside of childhood. How he craves and struggles for earthly goods as if they would help him achieve happiness.
"You see there is becoming which is realized through thought which depends on logos or word. Then there is the state of 'become', not quite being pure being but the next step after becoming. As is said, 'you are what you think, whereas for animals it is you are what you are."
At the conclusion of her talk, Mishmish lay down quite exhausted. All the animals applauded loudly for which she was very gratified. After they had dispersed to their holes and other habitations, Mishmish, the black cat, stretched out, gave a yawn and a lissom stretch and promptly fell asleep where she lay.
© 2003 Dennis Shapiro A Cat's Tale
posted by Mackerel Gazeteer at 11:15 AM
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